Irreplaceable - Dealing with Grief
Updated: Dec 6, 2020
Death reminds us to live and grow. Losing someone you love isn't easy, but it is something we all have to live through at some point. I am not a grief counselor, but I felt I needed to post this because I have been living and working through my own grief for a while. Grieving is a normal part of the growth process, but the most important thing we can do is to allow it to occur. We have to grow through the pain, and here are 3-ways to do just that.
I used to think I would never outgrow my attachments to people, and then one day I started to not be so deeply affected when people left my life. Call it the great awakening after the passing of a parent. My Dad left this Earth over 3-years ago, but in some ways I've been looking for him everywhere. Isn't that what we do with everyone that leaves our lives? We look for them in other people. We trust that our new relationship will replace the void, but it never does. In spite of what we have come to believe, not one person is irreplaceable. Not one.
Give yourself some time to process the loss.
No two people are the same when it comes to processing the loss of a loved one. No matter how strong you are, you will probably need some kind of support. If you are lucky enough to have people to talk to then take rely on those relationships to get you through some rough times. Truth is many people don't know what to say about your loss, so they don't say anything. It's not that they don't care, it's just that they don't know how to help. You never really get over the loss, you just learn to live with it and to live without the person. Holidays and birthdays are expectedly hard. Give yourself time to live through the pain. It hurts, you may feel numb, and you may not be fully functioning for some time after a major loss. There is no exact time-frame for dealing with grief. Some days you think you are okay and other days you are just getting by. Respect your emotions either way and give yourself time to heal.
Learn to see everyone's time and journey as their own, not yours.
When we lose someone, we say rest in peace. We search for meaning in their loss, sometimes we even blame ourselves. In spite of whatever religious belief you hold, we all want to believe the people we love are actually resting in peace. Every person that has impacted us in some way was meant to cross our paths. I'm reminded of the poem about people coming into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I believe those words are true. Not everyone gets to complete the entire journey, but that doesn’t take away from the time shared. Whatever that person's journey was like when they were here, was something that belonged to them. You cannot change anything that may or may not have occurred. You can't live on their behalf. All you can do is start to honor your life and take responsibility for your happiness now. There is real value in allowing yourself to be fully immersed in your life.
Moving forward with your own life.
The thing about losing someone is that you ultimately have to find yourself again. It is hard to let go of the person and their memory. I've heard about how being attached to something causes pain. It is true, but I'm not convinced we shouldn't care about others or miss them. Every thing in its rightful time and place is maybe more the way to move forward with your own life. Moving forward doesn't mean they are no longer important in yoir life, it's just that you are still here. You're still alive and you have to live your life.
Cheers to your growth and mine!