• Nayana Sen

Are you ready to manifest a new partner using a list?

Updated: Aug 21, 2021

Every woman I know has made the "list" at some point in her life. This usually comes after a breakup or that one disastrous relationship. The relationship that has you questioning whether you ever really want to date again. This list, for those that don't know, contains a breakdown of characteristics of our ideal partner. It is almost instinctual or maybe a rite of passage, but the "list" is a very real phenomenon. I wrote mine after my most recent divorce (it's okay to laugh at yourself), and just recently discovered it on my old phone. My list is now 2-years old, but most of it is still what I would want in a partner. I am not in a rush to figure my life out. This I know for certain, but I do know that my standards are a lot higher this time around. Somewhere my guardian angels are dancing with joy and singing Hallelujah.

Do you have a list of ideal characteristics for a partner? What is at the top of your list? Do you believe it's possible to manifest this person? Maybe my condensed list can help you figure what is important to you.

My original list has over 70 some character traits listed. I don't really think any one person will be a walking embodiment of my list. Clearly, I was being a little unrealistic in my expectations of my next relationship. Some things I wrote are not traits, more like nice to haves in another person, but it's not a make or break type thing. Some examples include writes me love letters and be musically inclined. 🎼

I went through my list and came up with 5 non-negotiable characteristics that I think must exist in another person, for me to consider a relationship. My top 5 characteristics include authentic, ambitious, confident, happy, and kind. These are all probably equally important traits. Yet, I know that there is one thing missing on this list, that has to exist in a relationship. More on that later.

Let's talk a little about authenticity. I'm a big believer that the only way things really work is if people can be themselves in the relationship. This is probably accurate for everything in life. If you can't be yourself in your most intimate relationship, then when or where can you be yourself? You're better off alone if you have to pretend to be someone you're not. I'm not into sports, for example, maybe I'm not the best fit for someone that is a basketball coach or something. One or both of us would probably have to accommodate quite a bit to make it work. I'm not getting into sports to have something in common with my partner. That is something we do when we're younger, and then we try to change our partners once they are comfortable.

I like ambitious people. Maybe this should be first on my list, but let's call it a tie with authenticity (to further expand on my sports example). I personally find this to be the one of the most attractive personality traits. I don't specifically care that we are ambitious about the same things, but I don't think someone just content with the status quo would be happy with me. I am always up for trying something new, learning something, and growing myself. I want the same in a partner, and I don't want to be with someone boring. I know that sounds harsh, but it is better to be upfront about these things.

My partner must be confident. I've worked really hard to feel confident about myself and have spent the hours it takes into rebuilding my confidence levels. I talk to people all over the world and that will continue. I do not need anyone in my life that is jealous or unsure of themselves. I don't want to spend my time explaining why I'm friends with someone or if I find someone else attractive. Life is just too short to deal with someone else's insecurities. I'm self-sufficient and my time is limited. If I choose to give my time to someone willingly, they should know they are worth it. Am I right?

Are you happy? I am happy in my life. I'm not happy every waking minute of my life, but overall I am happy. I want the same in a partner. People can have moods and bad days, but I want to be around positive energy. Genuinely happy people radiate good energy. They make other people feel good as well. I don't care how good you look, I have no interest in misery, and I don't want your company. As the kids all say, who stole it from us, Bye Felicia. 🤣

Finally, but not necessarily in order of importance, kindness is a must have character trait. This one is really is a deal breaker for me. I can't even fathom being with someone unkind again. There have been points in my life where I have been mean, sarcastic, and nasty to people. I just can't live like that anymore. I am sorry to anyone that I treated badly. I think I am a lot better now as a human being. Not perfect by any means, but I try to be kind to people. My family members remind me of that, so my readers don't have to, I guess. I don't know how to be any better honestly because I feel I try my best. Truth is words have the power to hurt or heal, so I am not going to go around just hurting people for no reason. I make a real effort to forgive people and judge less. I try to just live within the circumstances I have been given in life. I believe we are all fighting battles, and sometimes that means we take our frustration out on other people. I expect the same level of kindness from anyone in my life. While I do believe in kindness and being kind, I do not believe in being treated as a doormat. The concept of balance is especially important when it comes to kindness.

Well these are the top 5 characteristics that I think are important in relationships. If you think about it, they apply universally in all kinds of relationships. So, what makes your relationship with your significant other different than the other relationships in your life? One word...chemistry. You can have everything with someone, but if you don't have chemistry, you are friends. While friendship is a foundational component of an intimate relationship, you can't invent chemistry. I have no idea how long chemistry can last in a relationship, but I'd like to find out.

Are you ready to date? Good luck. Stay away from the crazies. There are lots of them out there, but the right person shows up, when you least expect it. If you want the right person to show up, then have faith that they exist. In time you will find each other, and it will be like your list came to life. At least, that is what I have been told.

I will say this, all the people who have told me about this mystical list said their partners embody most of the things they wrote down. They feel like they've manifested it. I think when you get clear on what you want, then you stop compromising so much, and the universe responds.

Cheers to your growth and mine!!! Bottoms up.

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