3 Simple Life-Hacks That Can Bring You Personal Peace
Do you find yourself stressed about other people and their behavior? Do you feel like you need to solve other people's problems? Are you the go-to person in your social circle? Let me guess, you find yourself completely drained, while in the end other people seem to be alright. Was it really your problem to deal with or did you intervene unnecessarily?
So much of the burdens we carry around are not ours, but we make it our problem. In this post we discuss the importance of putting yourself first when you're overly concerned about other people. You want to solve their problems, you're jealous, or take responsibility for their behavior. We can't grow ourselves and simultaneously be consumed with the lives of others.
Let people solve their own problems.
I used to have a boss that was very technically inept. He would call me to come check something out on his computer almost daily. I used to rush to help, then one day I decided to purposefully give it 10-minutes. I made a very important call to a client. Do you know in those 10-minutes the problem solved itself? Amazing isn't it?
I'm not suggesting you should not respond to your boss or that you should just stop caring, but I am saying that you need to be more selective in which "problems" occupy your time. You are not here to be the solver of all problems for all the people in your life. It is a tough pill to swallow, but solving other people's problems for them do not make them love or respect you more. It just creates co-dependencies and ultimately just helps you feel wanted or needed.
I do not have a degree in human psychology or sociology, but I have noticed through my own personal experience that the people that are always looking to solve other people's problems often have low self-esteem. You can help others, but you do not need to do it at the expense of your own mental or emotional well-being. If the key component for someone loving you is what you can do for them, it's really time to evaluate that relationship.
Learn to be happy for other people.
Social media has helped to amplify the I'm living my best life theater. You see happy families smiling in pictures, people on vacation, and new shiny things that people purchased. It is hard to see how wonderful everyone else's life is, and not feel like you're just not quite making it. In reality everyone has something they are struggling with and very few people share the struggles. They don't need to share the struggles publicly for them to exist. We all know at least one person who shares nothing but their "struggles" all while going on vacations, buying shiny things, and living their best lives. In either case, it is a constructed social media reality. When people are experiencing joy or a streak of good luck, just be happy for them. You should want good things for other people. It is part of evolving as a person.
Learn to let others take responsibility for their own behavior or actions.
Here is the topic that every empath has to deal with at some point in life. We take responsibility for the actions and behaviors of others. With the exception of young children or incapacitated adults that can't quite yet take full responsibility for themselves, everyone is responsible for themselves. You have to let other people live with the consequences of making good or bad decions. You can only change yourself in any given situation.
I struggle sometimes with the idea that I have to be mature and be a good person, but other people don't have to play the same way. I then remind myself that peace of mind is non-negotiable. You neither have to put up with bad behavior from anyone, nor do you need to justify how anyone else behaves.
I have adopted a philosophy; I do not participate in drama that I didn’t help create. It has given me back hours of time that I could have spent worrying about the behavior of others. That time and energy is better spent on things that make me happy or enhance my life.
The best thing you can do in your own personal growth and development is to stop caring about what other people are doing with their time or life. Focus on yourself and your own happiness.
Your time and energy can be used to create meaningful experiences for yourself and your loved ones. You can also invest the same time and energy into solving someone else's problems, being jealous or judgemental, and trying to make someone else be a better person. The time will pass either way, but you can grow or stay the same. Growth means learning to prioritize what is really important to you and letting go of what doesn't serve your personal evolution. Which version of yourself are you going to choose?
As always, cheers to your growth and mine.